In my quest to find my Prince Charming I have ventured into the realm of online dating apps I mean haven’t we all at this point. Some people think they’re not for anything but short term hookups, to which my answer is: “Whatever, it’s 2018 and I have to cast a wide net, Mom!” However, I’ve encountered so many frogs in my pursuit of Prince Charming that I’ve started to feel like a battle-weary soldier. It’s only right that I share my battle stories. If I can help one of you prevent wasting precious time and avoid making the same mistakes that I made in my quest, then my emotional battle scars will not have been in vain. While I may not know how to pick the ultimate winner yet, I can certainly tell you when to get rid of a loser!
Here are 4 clues to help you know when to swerve him:
Clue #1: He’s Not Asking Questions
You’re on your first date and he’s not asking you enough personal questions to genuinely get to know you? He’s most likely bound to play games or just looking for a f*buddy. If you’re looking for a f*buddy too, then that could be perfect, but if you’re like me and have a Mom who is constantly asking when you’re going to bring her a son-in-law, cut the guy off ASAP. This guy just wanted to make sure you weren’t a catfish and is now trying to figure out what buttons to push to get in your pants. Run, don’t walk, away.
Clue #2: “Me Me Me”
The conversation is flowing, but it’s entirely one-sided and he’s doing most of the talking? If you’re asking him questions and he’s so busy talking about himself jumping from one anecdote to the next? It’s usually a sign that he’s incredibly self-absorbed! Anyone who talks about themselves soo much that they don’t think to ask about their date’s opinions or experiences will most likely not make a good or empathetic partner. Girl, throw this one back where you found him.
Clue #3: He’s Surprised that You Don’t Fit Some Sexist Stereotype
When he makes comments about how surprised he is that you (a woman) are capable of contradicting a super sexist stereotype? Sir Bye! I’ve been on too many dates where men remarked on what a good conversationalist I am… They always seem so impressed that they can actually talk to a woman! *insert eye roll gif* Or they’re impressed that a beautiful woman has a career and advanced degrees. There are so many things to unpack there, but essentially this man will never consider you his equal. Forgive yourself for accidentally entertaining a sexist and move around.
Clue #4: He’s Never Truly Paying Attention
You’re seated…enjoying your Carbonara… yearning for a good ole’ time, and he’s most likely too distracted by the restaurant and the other people in it (like the waitress), to show you that your presence is the most important thing to him.Yeah nope. Anytime I have ever gone out with a guy who spent our time paying attention to anything other than me and our conversation, I found out that it was because he was distracted by countless things in his personal life too. Like he was super focused on his job and just wanted someone to have dinner with when he wasn’t out with clients. Or maybe he’s running his own personal version of “The Bachelor”! Either way, you’re probably one of many in his life and the focus it takes to establish a balanced relationship isn’t there. Consider it a lesson learned and go home.
Featured Photo Courtesy of The Cut